𝙇𝙓𝙑.
MADE OF HONOUR

──────

REALLY, HE SHOULD have been able to predict this going badly.

What exactly had he expected? 

Had he expected smooth sailing, had he expected this to be easy?

 Had he expected this to be simple? 

Had he expected to be able to sit there, put all of his trust and faith into her and for it to just work itself out?

There was one thing that he was certain on and that was: This was Beth. Elizabeth Montgomery. Nothing was ever straight-forward with her.

She didn't like to be told the word no, he was certain of that. He couldn't tell whether it was the amalgamation of growing up in a rich family and having everything handed to her on a silver platter, but she really did not like the word 'no' at all. 

He hadn't known her for as long as the others had, as long as Doctor Shepherd or Doctor Sloan... but it was something that he'd figured out very quickly.

It was because of that that he should've expected something more than simplicity: curves, bends, a couple of moments where he really was terrified for his own safety. 

He should've expected the near-death experience, the aghast looks she shot him as he spoke to her, the simmer of her temper as her knuckles clenched into snowy precipices, the stench of pure stress and terror. Admittedly, he hadn't imagined dying quite like this and he was going to be pissed if this really was the way he was going to go--

BREAK.

Their bodies jolted forwards, restrained by the seatbelt and almost knocking the air out of their lungs. 

There was a moment of silence as things suddenly came to a halt. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, feel the tremor of his hands as he fought to catch his breath.

There was a moment of stillness, a moment where they both sat there with wide eyes and heaving chests. 

He blinked, his spine pressed against the chair and muscles locked. Another split second of silence; he gathered his thoughts, pressed his lips together and then looked over at Beth.

"Holy shit!" 

He announced into the universe as every single neuron in his body screamed. It was a sudden loudness that made Beth's face twitch. His blood rushed around his body, kamikazing into a surge of adrenalin. 

His chest heaved as he braced out his hand, pressing his fingers firmly against the dashboard in front of him. 

"Holy shit--" He repeated, both panicked and exasperated, "What are you trying to do? Go back to the fucking future?"

He hadn't been able to let himself breathe until the car had stopped moving and now his chest heaved, eyes fixed on Beth as she looked at him with a sheepishly amused expression. He looked alarmed, eyebrows raised so far up his forehead that Beth had half expected them to be claimed by his hairline. 

She sat there, blinking at the man in the passenger seat and hands still firmly grasping the steering wheel.

"Jesus... Eli," Beth breathed out as if she hadn't just almost murdered the two of them with her reckless driving. 

The interior of the windows were almost foggy with the deep breaths the nurse was taking as he eventually allowed himself to let go of the safety stabiliser over his shoulder. 

"You're being dramatic--"

"Dramatic?" He repeated, voice slightly pitchy. 

Beth had never seen him so terrified; his face was very slightly pale and his wide eyes blazed into her with incredulousness. 

"I said go forwards slowly... not punch the gas."

"I went forwards slowly--"

"My God!" Eli exclaimed as if he couldn't even begin to imagine what Beth's definition of fast looked like. "Slowly for what? A NASCAR driver?"

The two of them glared at each other from their respective seats. 

They were crammed inside Eli's Micra, both of them appearing extremely unhinged by the sudden burst of speed. Everything had happened very quickly and before Beth had been able to comprehend what was happening, Eli had been yelling at her, telling her to break. 

Her heel had shoved down onto the brake so hard that she was worried that she'd shattered it. Her hands grasped the steering wheel so tightly that she'd lost sensation in her fingertips.

Now, Beth looked away as Eli rubbed at his forehead, attempting to lower his blood pressure. She looked over towards the parking lot and the lamppost she'd just narrowly missed; it was empty aside from the few cars that were left over for the overnight shift. 

They were messily parked in the nurses parking lot and Eli looked as though he was five seconds away from a heart attack. He mumbled to himself about death wishes and recklessness as Beth took a deep breath, attempting to shake off the alarm that was now buried deep in her bones. 

He composed himself very briefly before letting out a very long breath. In her peripheral, she saw the panic very slowly fade from his face.

Eli had agreed to teach Beth to drive on two conditions: one, that it was done in the empty hospital staff parking lot, where no one could be run over (or, if it did come to that point, they were only a few paces away from the ER). 

He'd come in an hour early for his shift to watch Beth burn his tires and stall three times before she'd nearly totalled his Micra-- which brought them onto the second condition. If there was a single scratch (Eli had stressed this particularly) on this car, he was never going to forgive her. It sounded dramatic, but he had detailed this with conviction and fury in his eyes. 

Beth had, as a result, believed him.

He braced himself in the space, placing his elbow against the car door and exhaled in a calm and orderly manner.

"Okay, now reverse," Eli said, using his teaching voice that made Beth want to either scoff or laugh."Slowly."

He was now understanding exactly how, just before Christmas, Beth had managed to get into a fender-bender in downtown Seattle. 

Not only was her permit probably very expired but she seemed to approach driving with the same reckless abandon that she approached her work with. That had translated into a very trigger-happy driver who liked to make very sudden decisions. He held his breath as the car started moving backwards. 

It was slow and gentle, just as he had instructed, but the gloom of the early morning made it difficult to make out obstacles behind them-- wow, they really hadn't thought this out. Beth chuckled under her breath, eyes glued to the mirror.

"Breathe," Eli scoffed at her encouragement, too focused on tracking the movements of his car to catch the glance she briefly tossed in his direction. "You're going to suffocate yourself--"

"I have more important things to think about right now," He snapped back, his temper already thin despite the fact that it was barely 5am. ("More important than breathing?" Beth questioned, lips curved in amusement.) Eli swivelled in his seat to stare out of the back window. "Yeah-- like my paint work. Watch it on that bollard--"

"I've got it."

Her words were contradicted by her stiff posture and her gritted teeth. Her muscles were tense and foot stuttered on the acceleration. 

A beat passed as she sloppily maneuvered around said obstacle. Eli drew in a breath through his teeth as he watched the bollard narrowly pass them by. Somehow, Beth managed to get from one side of the parking lot to the other without crashing and Eli considered that a victory of some sort. 

As they rolled to a stop, he let out the breath-- a gush of air that had Beth raising an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to crash," She told him firmly. 

It was almost convincing, but Eli couldn't shake the knowledge that she had already once before totalled his car. He looked over at her, trying his best not to shake his head. 

"Don't look at me like that--"

"If you crash my car," Eli interrupted, raising a hand and staring dead into Beth's eyes. She squinted at him, barely fazed by the conviction in his eyes, "I will become violent."

She knew what he was going for. It was the same sort of intimidation and Scary Nurse Eli Face that helped him hold his own in the hospital. He was going for the tough guy act, but much like Eli couldn't forget how she'd 'crashed' his car, Beth was unable to forget how he was possibly one of the most selfless human beings she'd ever met. 

So she just tilted her head to the side, blinking at him as he nodded to himself, satisfied with the threat. A beat passed. She raised an eyebrow.

"Is that the best you've got?" 

Beth's voice swum with amusement, lips twitching into a smile as the nurse just sighed loudly, throwing around his hands as if she was the most infuriating person he'd ever met. She didn't miss how he seemed to grimace whenever she went to put the stick into drive-- Beth chuckled under her breath and averted her eyes back into the rearview mirror. 

"You have a very interesting teaching method--"

"And what is that?"

"Violence," She smiled to herself as Eli just rolled his eyes, looking as dead as you'd expect during this time in the morning. Beth, on the other hand, looked perfectly chipper. Eli swore that he hadn't seen a hair out of place. "You'd make a great parent."

"I would be a great parent," Eli continued, his nervous energy translating into a choppy conversation, "I just wouldn't be able to emotionally relate or communicate with my child in any way without wanting to skin myself alive..." A beat. "It's that stupid bollard again--"

She laughed loudly and would have tossed her head back if it wasn't for the fact she was operating a moving vehicle. 

The car gently eased its way through the space, each movement shadowed by a building tension in his shoulders. Ever so often, Beth would chuckle, although Eli hadn't figured out whether she was laughing at her terrible co-ordination or the fact that he was slowly dissolving into a nervous wreck-- either way, her eyes were crinkled in bemusement and Eli, frankly, wanted to strangle the glee out of her.

"My Dad gave me a driving lesson once," Beth said, squinting in the rearview mirror as she tried to navigate herself into a parking space. "We drove out to this private property and he let me speed around a field in this old Pontiac..." 

In her peripheral, she saw the expression that flickered across Eli's face; it was clear the ICU nurse deeply doubted that she'd actually learnt anything. Her lips flickered into a smile, as if she could read his mind. 

"He was an alcoholic with five DUIs," She added after a beat.

Eli rolled his eyes, "Like father like daughter then huh?"

"You know what... maybe I will crash this car-"

"Do it and die," Eli chipped back, his jaw clenching slightly. She rolled her eyes. "Mind the wall, Jesus Christ!-- I will murder you with my bare hands--"

"I would like to see you fucking try--"

"My sister in Maryland has a daughter... a tiny baby..." Eli ignored her, staring dead out of the windscreen. He balled his fist and spoke into it, face contorting as if he was in pain. "It's the ugliest fucking thing I've ever seen."

"That's not very nice," Beth hummed lightly. 

But then Eli shot her a look, as if to challenge what he'd said. After a few moments, once she glanced over at him and saw the apprehension in his stare, she let out a sigh. 

"Okay, sure. I never understood why Addie went into Paeds. Babies... She trailed off and shook her head. "Babies aren't my thing."

"They're just so..." He trailed off, grimacing into the gloom of the half-empty parking lot. His nose scrunched in distaste. "I don't trust those little eyes and those teeth when they come through... don't they just chew everything?"

Beth's head turned away and she gazed out of the front windscreen, a dent appearing in between her eyebrows. 

A slight shadow cast over her eyes and she haphazardly shrugged. "I guess."

"I'd rather just get a dog," Eli sighed and then briefly yelled when Beth seemed to veer very suddenly. He grabbed onto the car seat with pure fear in his eyes, mouth wide in alarm. The psychiatrist chuckled, amused by the way he cursed at her for abruptly breaking. "I'm more of a dog person than a kid person...."

"I've always wanted a cat," Beth commented offhandedly, as if she wasn't particularly enthusiastic about this conversation. Her eyes were stuck to the small square of road that was illuminated by the car's lights. "I don't think I'd fuck that up--"

"I'm sure you'd still find a way."

"Screw you," She breathed out, although she seemed to be restraining a smile. He grinned crookedly, eyebrows raising at the reply. "Thanks for the vouch of confidence, Elijah."

"You're welcome," He replied with a distinctive lack of passion. 

Between his tensed shoulders and his crinkled nose, Beth could tell that he was still on the verge of panic. The car did a round of the parking lot and, once they came to a stop again, the windows almost fogged with the breath that escaped Eli's chest. 

"I don't like kids," Eli said, as if that wasn't clear enough.

Beth leant back in her chair and sighed. She rubbed at her forehead tiredly, yawning as if the conversation topic physically drained her. "I think cats are cool."

A beat passed.

"Charlie want kids?"

Eli didn't miss the way that Beth seemed to stiffen immediately at the topic. He was looking over at her, his lip twitching slightly as he watched Beth internalise what he'd just said. 

She leant against the car door, the engine just humming beneath her heel. 

There was a prolonged pause, one that was far longer than what Eli had expected. She pressed a hand against her lips, grimaced to herself and then looked over at the ICU nurse. He could tell from the way that she met his gaze that she'd thought about the future a lot. 

He could also tell that, from the way her lips sagged into a frown that she wasn't optimistic either.

When she didn't speak, Eli's eyebrows raised, reading into her silence. 

He appeared alarmed. 

"Fuck, are you pregnant?"

The look of momentary shock and horror on Beth's face was enough to answer his question. She blinked at him, face illuminated by the sun as it began to tease it's rise. As a golden glow splashed across the sky, Beth let out a long, baffled laugh, shaking her head so wildly that the bun on the top of her head wobbled dangerously, threatening to topple over. 

Eli just watched as she laughed and laughed until she was almost breathless--

"God no."

That's how their morning lesson went, just as it had for the last few mornings that Beth had managed to get behind the wheel. They squabbled like siblings with Eli repeatedly threatening to do damage to Beth if she even suggested crashing ("I will put you back into that OR, I swear to fucking god.") 

Despite all odds, she didn't; instead, just raising his blood pressure dramatically with a few very close calls.

"I still don't get why loverboy can't teach you," Eli said as they walked across the parking lot following a particularly close shave (Beth had gotten a little too friendly with a Ford Fiesta and he'd panicked and called it quits for the morning, so he spoke with reluctance and a slight sulk.) 

The psychiatrist just sighed, looking around the plaza.

"He's really busy..."

He was. She couldn't tell whether her boredom made everything feel far more torturous than usual or whether Charlie really was overworking himself, but he was barely around. 

"I barely see him at the moment," Beth sighed with a shrug, "He's been working a lot of overtime, staying at the hospital overnight... I think he's basically covering all of the work that Katherine left behind."

The sun had risen, making Eli realise how early in the morning it actually was. The two of them stood in the plaza, joining the line for a coffee and watched as staff members began to appear to take over from the night shifts. 

He didn't miss how Beth frowned lightly to herself, as if the thought of Charlie working so much annoyed her.

"I'm beginning to figure out how it felt to date me in New York," A nervous smile played on her lips as she ran a hand through her hair. She was dressed in civilian clothing, the tell-tale sign that she was no closer to working as she liked to believe. "Eli, do yourself a favour and don't ever date a doctor..." She trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip almost thoughtfully. "It sucks. It sucks big time."

Eli didn't respond, he just lifted an innocently inquisitive eyebrow and waited for her to continue. A pause played out as Beth ordered for the two of them, taking a ten-dollar bill from her wallet. Once she was finished, she gave him a strained smile.

"I'm all for Charlie being successful and busy," Beth added quickly, brow furrowing when she realised how it sounded. Her face twisted slightly in distaste. "I'm proud of him for taking Seattle by storm... but I just... I want to be working too, you know?"

"Oh we know," He said as they received their orders. "You won't shut up about it."

"I'm not a good housewife," She sighed. "I'm stuck in that apartment cleaning everything and reading medical journals and wishing that Gary Clark had aimed a little bit higher--" Even Eli seemed to wince at that comment. Beth paused, lips hovering over her coffee. "Okay, so comments like that are probably why I'm still in therapy--"

"Yeah, it's a wonder why Perkins doesn't think you're mentally stable with all this complaining--"

"Look, it's either I complain about being on leave or complain about wedding planning so..." She held her cup tightly to her chest, scowling at his comment. He rolled his eyes. "Pick your poison. You fancy helping me pick out flower arrangements? Wanna talk about veils, garters and the fact that I can't get drunk at my own wedding reception?"

"Flowers sound fun," Eli said, smirking into his cappuccino. At such an early hour of the morning, he seemed to feed and thrive off annoying the irritated psychiatrist. The look she shot at him made him chuckle. "What do you have in mind?"

Beth let out yet another long, exhausted breath.

"Honestly I'd walk down the aisle with a bouquet of poison ivy if it meant I got this all over and done with," Another grimace and Eli tilted his head to the side. "Don't give me that look-- it's just a lot, you know? I've never been the best at organising and things are just..." Her face contorted, words completely surpassing her. "I know I've probably forgotten what coping looks like but I'm pretty sure this isn't it--"

"Get Charlie to pick out some flowers," Eli suggested. The doctor snorted loudly, shaking her head even before he'd finished talking. "Might as well start on the whole union thing, right?"

"He barely even sleeps at the moment," She averted her eyes up towards the sunrise, squinting over at the sun as it glazed over the tops of the buildings. "Busy, remember?"

"At least he's working with his brother," was Eli's response and Beth was surprised by his bid to find the positives. He just shrugged, as if he was trying his best, playing off of the weird look she threw in his direction. "Oh yeah, I forgot that you don't like your siblings so you don't understand how it might be nice for him to work with family--"

"I've worked with my family before," Beth interjected tightly, trying her best not to roll her eyes. "But I don't know I... I've worked with Andrew too and it's just..." She paused and Eli caught the slight hesitation that appeared on her face. "Something feels off."

"Off?"

"Yeah," She appeared uncomfortable, just as he had when Eli had brought up the kid conundrum. 

She drew her sleeves tightly down over her hands, pausing only to take a boiling mouthful of black coffee. Once her tongue was burned to a cinder, she continued.

"I don't know... I might just be super paranoid."

"Wow, that would be a first––"

"...But something doesn't feel right," His interruption went ignored. "I think something happened back in Boston when Charlie went back for Christmas... there's just something there... and I don't know whether I'm just imagining it or whether my last relationship has given me serious trust issues or something... but... but I swear..."

Her brow was furrowed in deliberation, lips drawn into a frown. 

There seemed to be a collection of thoughts lurking at the back of her mind (Eli could see them flickering across the depths of her eyes as she glanced over at him). She'd thought about this a lot, he could tell. 

It was the sort of thoughts that wafted across her subconscious whenever she wasn't thinking about everything else: the wedding planning, Addison, the inevitable heat death of the universe. 

The breath that escaped her lungs was fatigued, deflating her shoulders as she seemed to shake the topic away.

"It's probably nothing," Beth's head wobbled dismissively but Eli's brow furrowed. "I'm probably just bored and seeing things that aren't there but..."

"They're not getting along?"

"There's something someone's not telling me," She spoke quickly, with lines deeply grooved into her forehead. It was the sort of frown that her mother would have hated and called out on the spot. "There was this letter from this clinic in Boston that I--"

Her words stopped as abruptly as she had slammed the break in the car. A sudden stop, a halt that had Eli caught off-guard. His head raised to look over at her, bewildered by how she'd fallen silent; she was staring over across the hospital plaza, face growing stormy as she noticed something. 

He followed her gaze, realising what was going on-- a pause played out between the two of them. But then, confused, Eli cleared his throat.

"Isn't she...?"

"Yep," Beth answered without letting him finish. 

Her eyes were locked onto her older sister like a missile trained on it's target; suddenly, the bewilderment and disarray was paved over by an expression of annoyance. 

She scowled. "That's what Archer said..."

Addison stood by the front desk, talking to one of the receptionists as if she'd worked here for her whole life. She was dressed smartly, the sort of clothing that you wouldn't expect someone to wear if they were about to board a flight. 

The two of them watched as she signed something, possibly a guest book or a consent form. Every time she laughed with the staff member (joking and grinning as if she didn't have a care in the world), Beth's face twitched. 

She seemed care free, completely unfazed by any of the conversation they'd had, and it left a sour taste at the back of the psychiatrist's mouth.

"What does that mean?" Eli asked, watching as Beth's face twisted very slightly. 

He could tell from the way that her shoulders tensed and her posture turned wooden, that seeing Addison Montgomery in Seattle, had not been a good omen. He couldn't decide whether he was loving the idea of the drama or seriously concerned that someone was going to get hurt. 

"I thought she didn't want to be here--"

"So did I," was Beth's response. 

Her jaw was locked into a frown, a dent between her eyebrows as she watched her sister with an unwavering attentiveness. He wondered whether Addison could feel the heat of Beth's glare from across the room. 

"But she's still here... I didn't think she was serious..."

"I can't keep up with your family," his sigh made Beth's lips twitch into a smile.

"I'm just glad my parents haven't made an appearance," She glanced over at the nurse fleetingly, face briefly contorting with a look of exasperation as if to emphasise the catastrophe that would cause. "That would be... that would be interesting."

Eli grinned into his coffee. "I'll put it in my nightly prayers."

There was something uncanny about seeing Addison in the wild. 

She was the sort of woman who carried herself with such dignity and yet, from Beth's perspective, she had nothing to be proud of. (Would she even notice her standing there? Would she even care?)

"I'll see what I can do about the flowers," He half expected Beth to ignore him completely with the distraction that laid before her, but she didn't. She let out a chuckle, the grasp on her coffee tightening but eyes still stuck on Addison's figure. "Does poison ivy go out of season?"

"Knowing my luck," Beth murmured mostly to herself, then she rolled her eyes. "Honestly, I have pretty low standards-- at this point I'd take anything..."

But then she paused.

"That's not true," She corrected herself. "Fuck petunias."

Their attentions were averted once again as Addison disappeared out of view; she walked away from the receptionist and out of the plaza, down towards the hospital elevators. 

Unasked and unanswered questions lingered in the air and Eli shot another look in Beth's direction-- her brows were drawn tightly over her stormy eyes, a muscle twitching in her jaw as she silently debated whether Addison was worth her time.

She wasn't. Beth stayed fixed to the spot. 

She waited until all traces of Addison were gone and she could pretend that Seattle was fine again. For a split second, there had been no shooting at the hospital, there was no She inhaled long and hard, chest heaving with the weight of having more family conflict than she'd ever anticipated.

"If you need to hide a body, let me know," Eli's words made her lips twitch into a smile. He approached the topic of Beth murdering Addison with her bare hands with a cavalier casualness that made it hard for her to deny him. "I've been watching a lot of crime shows lately."

"So you'll help me commit murder but you won't let me drive your car?"

"Did I stutter?"

***

As it appeared, evading Addison Forbes-Montgomery was almost an Olympic sport. Ignoring her had been so much easier when she'd been in a different state. Now, trying to avoid her was turning out to be much more of a task than Beth had ever realised.

Beth had gotten good at avoiding her back in Manhattan; they'd had the whole island to play cat and mouse, Beth constantly evading whatever problem Addison had with her. 

But Seattle was different-- despite her lack of a job, Beth still found herself floating around the hospital and it's vicinity, waiting for Addison to jump out at her like a shitty monster in a shitty Halloween attraction. 

It wasn't going to be a good jumpscare, she could feel it in her bones. She felt exactly how she had felt when she'd first arrived in Seattle, back when Mark had felt like the phantom of the hospital and she'd been the ingenue who just couldn't catch a fucking break-- it was exhausting, being so aware of people being in the same space as you.

And now Beth had two.

"Be honest," Beth began but then paused with the realisation of who it was that she was talking to.

The two men exchanged a look, the two of them looking very out of place in the middle of a bridal shop in downtown Seattle. 

Her eyes bounced between the two of them as she placed her hands on her hips, a power stance that was trying it's best to prop up the atmosphere of the room. 

So far it had been nothing less than underwhelming; her falter, the way her nose wrinkled slightly and the slight sigh that fell through her lips, it all told them that she very well knew that they were going to approach this with brutal honesty.

Admittedly, when Beth had proposed wedding dress shopping, these two men had not been her first pick to accompany her. 

In fact, the person she'd first asked to come with her had been her fiancé and it had resulted in Charlie shooting her a very odd look ("Isn't that bad luck?") and Beth had been very quick to point out that, at this point, she was pretty sure that she'd exhausted all of the bad luck in the universe. 

She didn't particularly have any interest in the conventional or traditional but Charlie did; he was far more invested in this wedding than she was-- he'd denied the invitation, half on the premise that it wasn't right and the fact that he had far too much work to do anyway.

The idea of finding a wedding dress had left Beth tired and a little too on edge to do it alone. She'd left organising things to the very last minute, completely exhausted by the idea of tackling such a task as hunting down her wedding dress-- she'd been flustered and nervous and that had left the unlikely pair.

(Addison, as aforementioned with the whole avoiding and halloween-esque jumpscare thing, had not been on the invite list.)

Archer and Eli exchanged a second look. 

It contained and communicated a silent dialogue, a shared knowledge that made Beth pull a face. The two men looked as though they'd rather be anywhere else in the world. From the moment they'd crossed the threshold of the bridal store, they'd been completely out of their depth; it was a world of lace and veils and labels containing so many zeroes that Archer had almost fainted. 

Even Eli, who was so confident with everything, seemed to go a little pale at the sight of everything. His first port of call had been to nurse the free champagne like the brooding villain in an Old Western speakeasy.

So far, they'd been only vaguely helpful. 

Beth had talked herself into trying on two dresses, both of which had received very lackluster and underwhelming responses. It was very clear that neither of them knew exactly what they were doing and Beth didn't really know what she'd expected. 

In fact, she was beginning to realise that maybe she should have bit the bullet and invited Addison in the hope that she'd actually get some use out of her older sister.

Wasn't this what an older sister was for? Fawning over wedding dresses and getting just the tiniest bit tear-eyed? In all honesty, Beth had forgotten what she was supposed to do with Addison and there was no chance in hell that she'd even consider inviting her mother. 

So that left her standing in front of two of Seattle's most eligible bachelors, grimacing at the bewildered looks on their faces.

Be honest.

To their left, the over-enthusiastic bridal attendant buzzed with energy like a golden retriever who was meeting a person for the first time. 

Her energy did not quite meet that of her clients; she was far too happy for the room, far too alive and alert. She had met them all with a bright smile asking whether Beth was excited for her big day. 

The bride-to-be had just smiled back, slightly blinded and eyes wide as she realised what exactly she'd gotten into.

"That dress just looks like the first one..."

Archer's comment was slow and hesitant as if he was constantly worried that he was going to say something wrong. 

That summarised how he'd approached wedding dress shopping: he was sitting pin-straight in the chair, an untouched glass of champagne in his hand and a stiff posture screaming discomfort. 

Out of the duo, he had been the least helpful (Eli, at least, knew what lace was). He seemed so unsure of everything but was making an effort despite everything. In all honesty, Beth had been caught off-guard when he'd approached her, telling her that he'd heard she was looking for people to come with her and that he was free if she still needed someone. 

She knew her brother well enough to know that, much like her ex-boyfriend, anything that even suggested commitment broke Archer Montgomery out in hives.

Out of the corners of their eyes, they all watched the bridal attendant's eyes flicker towards the oldest Montgomery sibling, a distant dawning of disdain crumpling her perfect smile. Instead of speaking, his sister just frowned lightly, turning back to study herself in the mirror. 

Sensing that he'd said something wrong, Archer grimaced, slackening a little bit in his chair; he looked over at the trauma nurse beside him and dropped his voice to a murmur.

"It does look like the first one right?" Eli didn't respond to Archer's desperate words. He just snorted, taking a long drag of his complimentary champagne. The neurosurgeon frowned, still completely lost. "Did she put the first dress on again?"

Much to Archer's chagrin, Eli just shrugged, holding the champagne flute tightly. 

The nurse, compared to Archer, had been quiet, choosing champagne over every little comment that he could possibly make. His invitation to go bridal shopping had been proposed as a joke; Beth had made a comment about her appointment and joked that he could come along for the free champagne... Eli had taken that proposition very seriously.

That left him sat beside Beth's brother, a little less tightly-wound than Archer and constantly bemused. He looked Beth up and down and shrugged, chuckling at Archer's desperation to grasp exactly what was going on.

"The first dress was white," Beth piped up, shooting him a look in the mirror. 

She smoothed out the skirt of the dress, revealing the series of clips that were strangling the fabric to her figure. The attendant, her smile reinstated by Beth's insistence, stumbled over herself to pull out the skirt, pulling it out and clasping her hands at the sight of everything arranged. 

"This one is ivory."

That didn't help Archer in the slightest, "What does that even mean?"

Beth paused. (She didn't really know either.)

Eli just snorted, "Fuck knows."

This was the third dress she'd tried and, in all honesty, Beth had absolutely no idea what she was doing. Her only experience with wedding dress shopping had been sitting in Kleinfelds fifteen years ago back in Manhattan, watching Addison blaze through the store with determination and focus. 

She'd been so organised, knowing exactly what she wanted and what she needed. They'd sat for three hours in that store (Beth, Bizzy and a handful of Addison's uptight socialite friends) and it had taken Addison half of that to find the exact one that she wanted. 

In fact, Addison had known exactly what she wanted when it came to the whole thing.

She'd been collating an inspiration mood board since she was a preteen: a collection of cutouts from bridal magazines, pictures and drawings. Addison had walked into her wedding planning with a very distinctive idea of how she wanted the wedding to turn out. She'd taken it so seriously and had been a specific type of focused that she could only elsewhere achieve in an OR. 

She'd wanted the Plaza Hotel, she'd wanted peonies, she'd wanted this and that and this and-- In all fairness, that's exactly what she'd achieved. Her wedding to Derek had been dreamy, picturesque and the sort of affair that made you immediately insecure.

Beth, meanwhile, had no idea what she wanted.

She hadn't got this far the first time. Her engagement to Calum had barely lasted a month; she hadn't had time to do these things: the dress shopping, the floral arrangements and the cakes and guest lists and the-- 

She had no idea what she wanted and she definitely had no idea what she was doing.

The first time she'd just expected to do it all the same as Addison had. The moment her older sister had found out about her engagement Addison had immediately ordered a cab and appeared on her doorstep bearing wedding magazines. 

She'd thrown a wedding planner's phone number on the table and immediately started gushing about colour schemes. Addison had brought her board too, smoothing out crumpled, faded images of dresses and flowers that looked identical to her own. 

Beth had looked through it all and figured that Addison had done the wedding thing right. It wasn't like Beth actually had time to sort all of this herself; she was still a medical student and had so much work that sometimes she forgot to even breathe. She didn't have time to make mood boards or spend time thinking about the Plaza Hotel or peonies. 

She wanted what Addison had had. She wanted something successful. She wanted Addison and Derek and the marriage they'd built with each other.

In retrospect, that had not been a good idea.

"This dress is an ivory tulle a-line with a sweetheart neckline..." 

The consultant stepped in, waving a hand over Beth's reflection. Behind them, Eli and Archer exchanged a look, clearly not understanding anything she'd just said. A dent even appeared between Beth's eyebrows, head tilting to the side as she tried to comprehend this foreign language. 

"...with a train and a beaded bodice..."

Beth was convinced she'd never seen Archer so lost and confused. 

Instead of speaking, he just vaguely nodded, grimacing. At the same time, Eli seemed to hit tipsy, letting out a long, winded laugh that he did his best to cover with another mouthful of champagne. 

Beth's reflection looked over at him and, as if his snicker had been infectious, let out a tired laugh. Her face split into an exasperated grin, head moving from side to side in a miffed shake.

"I look like a cloud," She held out her arms and then dropped them, wincing at the amount of fabric that was attached to her body. Eli hummed into his glass, watching the light drain out of the consultant's eyes. "I look like I'm about to float away."

"You look like a very pretty cloud..." Eli trailed off as Beth met his eyes in the mirror, eyebrows raising. He spoke as if he was on complete autopilot, slightly too taken aback by the bubbles in his glass to do anything but chat shit. His chin lowered considerably. "A very pretty but aggressive cloud that needs to learn how to take a compliment."

"I think it looks nice," Archer commented off-handedly, squinting at the amount of tulle that had been packed onto a single gown. He ignored how Beth very subtly flipped Eli amongst the fabric. She just sighed, cocking her head to the side. "You look great."

"That's the exact same thing that you said about the last two dresses," Eli pointed out. He swung a finger around to jab in the direction of the dress. "She looks like she's being eaten alive by..." He made a noise and just flapped his hand. "That shit."

The neurosurgeon rubbed at his jaw, visibly annoyed. He'd been giving the same answers over and over to the point where his comment about sameness had been an exciting surprise. 

She watched as her brother frowned to himself, clearly stumped for what to say. 

She could tell he was trying his best. Beth shot him a grateful smile but was cut short by a subconscious sigh. This wasn't going well. She almost (almost) wished that Addison was here to help her.

"I hate it," Beth breathed out, causing the consultant to linger around her like an anxious insect. She played with the waistline, pinching at the fabric as it threatened to swallow her whole. "It looks terrible."

"It doesn't..." Archer's face contorted. He cocked his head to one side, in the exact way his sister had three seconds before, and squinted. He paused. "Okay... it does... look a bit terrible."

The first three dresses had all been wildly different from one another. She had no grasp on what she wanted, thus the dresses had escalated wildly from one style to another. 

She'd vocalised these anxieties to Charlie but he'd been so full of positives and goodwill. He'd dealt with it the same way he'd dealt with everything over the past few months: with soft support and apprehension as if she was going to shatter under the slightest amount of tension. He'd spewed some crap about a gut feeling, that she'll 'know it when she sees it' and had told her that they were not in any rush. She had all the time in the world.

Beth, on the other hand, had scowled at that assertion. 

She didn't appreciate his constant reassurance. In fact, it was beginning to irk her. Everyone around her was treating her as if she was about to have a nervous breakdown-- for the record, she was pretty sure she was handling the whole hospital shooting thing far more better than anything else in her life. 

Out of 'everyone', Charlie was the worst. He'd reduced her to what Beth vaguely recognised as her worst nightmare: the sort of girl who needed a man's permission to even sneeze. He tiptoed around her, checked on her obsessively and never seemed to be around. It seemed as though he needed to know where she was constantly just in case she happened to just implode in the middle of a supermarket or on a street corner. 

Beth might've had the worlds' shittiest intuition but she was pretty sure she was stable enough to go to the store on her own.

"It's no problem!" The consultant exploded into the conversation with her wide smile and slightly crazy eyes. They all looked over at her, braced for the impact of her enthusiasm. Beth, honestly, had never met someone excited about fashion, and she'd roomed with a FIT student. "We can get another dress off of the rack, there's no rush!"

There's no rush. There it was again, those words that sent a handful of goosebumps down her spine. Beth watched the attendant bound off into the showroom, going with the enthusiasm and energy that she wished she had. 

She caught Eli's eye in the mirror and pulled a face, getting nothing but a bemused smile in response. Out of everyone in this bridal store, Eli seemed to be having the best time.

"Do you really not know what you want?" He spoke almost boredly, sitting back in the chair and looking across the room. His lip curled when she shook her head, sighing at herself. "Sorry I forgot how indecisive you got over accepting a proposal. I don't know how you'd be able to pick a dress out of one hundred when you couldn't pick an answer out of two."

They were seated in the centre of a viewing room, surrounded by a handful of other consultations. To the right of them, a tall African American woman was twirling in a dress, a delighted smile plastered across her face. 

Beth watched her out of the corner of her eye, only looking away to roll her eyes at Eli's words.

She'd never been a particularly self-conscious person but there was something about a wedding dress that really got under her skin. She'd been watching the other bride, watched how happy and delighted she got with every gown she tried on and wondered what exactly it was that was that wasn't clicking with her. 

It wasn't that she didn't like dresses; she loved dresses and actually really enjoyed dressing up. But there was something... something specifically about shopping for a wedding dress that she couldn't get behind.

"Do you feel like a bride?" Eli asked in the background as Beth stared at her reflection. She took a moment to respond, drilling her eyes into the glass. She tried to imagine it for a second: a wedding aisle, guests, a church that Beth had absolutely no religious involvement with. She squinted. "Do you feel like any sort of bridal impulses.... Any bridal-ness?"

"The only thing I feel right now is the impulse to tell you to shut the fuck up," was Beth's reply.

 She shot him a very 'bridal' smile in the mirror, causing him to snicker to himself. 

"I definitely feel more like a cloud than a bride. Don't make me rain on your parade, Elijah..." The nurse just smiled, shaking his head lightly. "Okay, I'm going to need a crane to get me out of this... if I could have some help--"

Archer got to his feet immediately, with a speed that Beth had never seen from him before. He helped her down off of the pedestal carefully, helping her with the skirt and-- he'd been the same. 

Like Charlie, Archer had been so tentative to everything Beth did or said, but he did in such a way that Beth really couldn't find the energy to be mad at him over it. She gave him a soft smile as the consultant came sweeping back into the room, a bagged hanger aloft. 

The woman flashed them all slightly crazy smiles and, with a flash in her eyes, announced that this might be the one.

"Oh god," Beth mumbled to herself as she followed her back into the changing room.

She would've loved to say that wedding planning got easier after that. She would've loved to say that the dress thrust in her hands turned out to be the one... but it hadn't. She'd stood there in another haze of material and disdain and watched the slight droop to Eli's mouth-- he'd just shook his head very subtly, waiting for the bridal attendant to stop bouncing around in delight. 

That was a no.

As was the one after that and the one after... and the one after--

On the sixth dress, (with a fairly intoxicated Eli and a completely blank look on Archer's face that suggested he'd long mentally clocked out) Beth looked around at all of the mother's in the room. 

This was the sort of thing you were supposed to do with your parents, right? She saw happy tears on the other side of the room and frowned to herself; it'd been a long time since she'd have ever considered inviting her Mother to something. 

Would Bizzy have even turned up? Beth hated that she wasn't 100% sure of the answer to that question.

Archer caught the look on her face.

"Addie would want to be here."

His words were good-natured, Beth knew that. 

He'd said it softly and carefully, making her eyes very abruptly tear away from the mother-daughter duos that were scattered across the salon. She avoided Archer's gaze completely, instead meeting her own in the mirror; Mirror-Beth didn't look very pleased at all.

"Well, she's not, so..." I

t came out in one long prolonged breath, a bunch of sighs that made Eli and Archer exchange another look. (If Beth hadn't known better about Eli's hostility towards people, she would've thought that they were friends.) 

She pressed her lips into a thin line and hummed to herself. 

"I don't need her here so I can choose a stupid dress, Arch."

Archer didn't respond and she couldn't tell whether that was a strategic choice on his part or not. Two dresses passed and the same expression prevailed; he'd meet her eyes ever so often, his face twisted very slightly as if to remind her-- 

Yes, she knew that this was the sort of situation where she needed Addison. Addison would've jumped at this opportunity, she would've loved to watch Beth try on a bunch of flouncy dresses--

But Beth was pretty determined to prove that she didn't need Addison.

(She didn't need Derek or Mark either, for the record.)

"I actually prepared for this," Eli drawled as Beth realised she didn't particularly hate this dress as much as she hated the others. She twisted from side to side, raising an eyebrow at the nurse. Oh god, he was tipsy. Apparently, the champagne was pretty good here. "I watched like twenty episodes of Say Yes to The Dress with my roommate and we watched that one Jennifer Lopez movie--"

"You probably have a better idea of what's going on than I do," Beth said with a smile, but it came across a lot more frazzled than she'd intended. "All I know is that I'm supposed to have some spiritual connection to a skirt or something..."

"I think you're supposed to say 'yes'..." Eli's face folded into a slight frown, as if he couldn't exactly remember what the show had actually been about. Instead of sighing, Beth just laughed. "To a dress? Possibly?"

"Great," Beth chuckled. "Glad we've got that one clear."

"This is going to drive me insane," Archer muttered under his breath as Beth continued to fret over her appearance. "That's if Beth doesn't drive me insane first."

Eli snorted, "Believe me, she couldn't drive anywhere to save her life."

"Can't I just wear a normal dress to my wedding?" Beth asked, face scrunched in agitation as she realised that this was all probably going to end up with her having a crisis. Behind her, Archer seemed to just frown, not exactly sure whether she was trying to set up some sort of riddle for them to solve. "Does it have to be a wedding dress? I have dresses at home. Dresses that I like and... I feel good in and--"

"I'm pretty sure that any dress that you... you wear to a wedding is a wedding dress," Archer didn't sound very convinced at his own words. Again, Eli just rolled his eyes as if he was surrounded by idiots. Meanwhile, Beth seemed to start her crisis a little bit early. "I think it's supposed to be white but I don't--"

"Oh my god," Eli mumbled, sinking lower and lower into the chair. "They didn't show this in the show."

"You're going to look beautiful no matter what you choose," Beth could tell that Archer was attempting to be as supportive as possible, but it did nothing to qualm the rising sense of panic that buzzed in her chest. "It doesn't have to be a princess gown like this one or--"

"Actually," The sales associate jumped into the conversation, flashing a wide smile that was all teeth. "This dress is a mermaid style with ruching and a lace bodice--"

"It's a white dress," Eli cut her short, not looking very impressed with her commentary. "It's literally just a white dress."

The smile dropped off of the attendants face, "It's ivory."

"Nothing," Beth said bleakly. "I understand nothing."

She turned her eyes back to the mirror and just huffed lightly, wondering why exactly Charles Perkins wanted anything to do with her in the first place, talk about marry her. With full disclosure, she'd thought the first proposal had been a slip of the tongue. It'd been so blase and casual and she'd been able to laugh it off-- so had he, for the record. But then there'd been the second one and she'd really realised: oh shit, this man really loves me. 

Somehow, Charlie was able to see something very vaguely bridal inside her-- Beth didn't think her reflection looked bridal at all. All she saw was a kid who was playing dress-up with gowns and veils from a mother's closet. (They really should have stayed there with everything else that was stacked at the back of Bizzy's closet.) 

A woman who was standing in a bunch of dresses, suffocating underneath the meaning behind them.

They were not in a rush to get married. They were not in a rush to get a dress. They were not in a rush to do anything at all, yet Beth felt crippled by stress. Decisions stressed her out. The thought of organising all of this stressed her out too. Charlie had encouraged her to take her time and take it all very slowly-- did he not know her? 

Sometimes, Beth had to google the word 'slow' just to remind herself that the concept of slowness existed.

She was completely convinced that it was a miracle anyone wanted to marry her in the first place. Apparently, it was very hard to find someone who actually loved her enough to stick around when things got bad.

(And boy, had the last two months been ugly.)

"Okay," She breathed out eventually, once she'd managed to piece her sanity back together.

 Admittedly, Archer and Eli's commentary was still really not helping. Archer looked as though he was about to have an ivory-induced stroke while Eli was two mouthfuls of champagne away from full drunkenness. 

"I think... I think this is it for today."

It wasn't that Beth was throwing in the towel-- No, no actually it definitely was. 

She was tired. She didn't like this, trying all of these gowns on and pretending, for a second that this was what she wanted. Every time she blinked, all she could see was white (or maybe it was the ivory? She still wasn't very clear what the difference was) lace and shitty bejewelled corsets. She also would have never admitted it out loud, but she was still very tender in the chest area and the amount of cinching was slowly reducing her into a gnawing pain. 

Her dresser happened to have a steel grip and she'd been unable to breathe for the past ten minutes. Calling it quits was what she'd been fantasising about since she'd tried on the first dress...

This wasn't her. This wasn't right. This wasn't--

"Boo!" Eli called as the sales associate very solemnly helped Beth down, noticeably less enthusiastic once it had been established that Beth wasn't going to be buying anything. "We didn't even get to the good part--"

"I don't know what the good part is," Beth said tightly as she carefully stepped off of the platform, "But I know it's sure as hell not at the bottom of that champagne flute, Lloyd."

The nurse just scoffed loudly, rolling his eyes and making a passing comment that suspiciously sounded like: And that's coming from the alcoholic. 

She didn't notice, far too concentrated on the throbbing of her chest and her feet. She was beginning to feel hungry as well, beginning to feel a little too mentally exhausted and... Beth had things to do and places to go and, fuck, didn't she have a colour scheme to plan tonight--

"Are you sure you're finished?" The woman asked, "We've got some lovely dresses--"

"To be honest," Beth gritted out, "I don't think I ever really started--"

She did have a lot to do tonight, she was sure of it. There were things to sort, things to plan, dates to think about-- Beth was fully aware that, in the absence of her career, she'd decided to latch herself onto this, let herself obsess over all of this. 

Archer had made a joke about how Beth was slowly turning into a bridezilla and she'd just nervously laughed; it couldn't be worse, as she'd pointed out, no one could be worse than--

Addison.

Addison was standing on the other side of the bridal shop.

At first, Beth thought it was a hallucination; the veils, the silk and the dizzying scent of the shop attendant's perfume had gotten to her. 

She was seeing things, driven to desperate hallucinations like a starving man in the desert-- but then Addison seemed to see her too. The familiar redhead caught sight of her from afar and seemed to pause, an expression slowly blooming on her face. 

Her eyes went wide, her mouth wobbled and she started closer and closer--

"Oh my god," the mirage said.

Oh, definitely not a hallucination. 

This Addison was very much real and, that realisation made Beth's blood chill. She was caught there, frozen to the spot, eyes much wider than Addison's and mouth ajar. 

Addison... How... What... 

Beth was completely lost and shell-shocked at the sight of her. 

Why was she here? How was she--

"Addie?"

"You look stunning," Addison's response to Beth's shocked exhale was with a very soft look on her face. 

She looked at her from head to toe, as if drinking in the sight of her little sister in a wedding dress. There was a very brief pause in the world; Addison clasped her hands together tightly and smiled, eyes glassy as if they were welling with tears. 

"Look at you... you look--"

"Addie--"

"--Beautiful," She barely even paused at Beth's interruption. 

The bride-to-be just shuffled uncomfortably and shot a rogue glance at her brother; Archer was avoiding looking anywhere but his champagne glass. Addison's excitement seemed to rush out in a long breath and a delighted smile. 

"You know who you look like? You look like Mom on her wedding day--"

For a split second, Beth was reminded of how this should have gone. She should have had this, the near tears, the compliments and the fawning-- she should have had that, the look that Addison had on her face in just that moment. 

Archer had had it too; the look family members had on their face when they saw their little sister 'all grown up'. She deserved that. She recognised that in the way that Addison stood there; she lingered, caught up by the suddenness of it. 

But then Beth cleared her throat.

"Addie," Beth spoke louder this time. Her brow was furrowed and her mouth was pulled into a thin line. The sales attendant beside her just stared between the two of them, visibly lost. "What are you doing here?"

It seemed to bring Addison back to reality.

"I..." 

She trailed off, eyes tearing away from the wedding dress and over towards Archer. As if it was physically possible, Archer seemed to sink lower on the chaise lounge. 

Beth was sure that he would've tried to part the atoms and fall into the eternal void if he could've. 

"I'm here to help."

There was something very distinctively Addison about gate-crashing a bridal appointment. Morbidly, Beth almost felt like laughing; why was she even surprised? 

The irony of her surprise tasted bitter on her tongue. It was so outwardly Addison, so loudly and unapologetically Addison Forbes-Montgomery--

She did laugh. She laughed and shook her head, filled to the brim with the sudden hostile anger that tended to peak whenever she saw her sisters face. 

It burned it's way through her, making her muscles clench and her mouth twist and her eyes burn with the threat of angry tears. She was so tired and so fed up and so ready to just leave Seattle completely--

Beth's face twisted, distaste filling her. "Addie, you can't just show up like this--"

"I thought..." Addison, again, seemed to be caught off-guard. 

Her eyes lingered on the back of her brother's head. Amongst all of this, Eli looked as though he'd finally found the 'good part' of this appointment; he stared between everyone, eyes lit up and mouth quirked into aghast smile. 

"I thought it would be nice for me to be here... it's your wedding..."

Beth blinked at her. There were so many thoughts going through her head that she was almost lost amongst them, fighting for priority. 

She couldn't quite comprehend Addison's sudden use of sentimentality-- she was looking at her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, as if Addison couldn't understand all of the reasons why Beth didn't want her here. 

That was something Beth herself couldn't understand. Addison had always been smart, what was so hard about putting two and two together?

"Nice," Beth repeated, mostly to herself. She chuckled again. "Nice."

Nice. Beth figured that they had very different definitions of the word 'Nice'. Her idea of nice was definitely not having the added stress of her sister (who was inclined to make things about herself at all moments) in what was already faring to be just short of a slow motion car crash. But 

Addison was looking at her with those round eyes, not an inch of hostility in them, blinking at Beth as if Beth would be mad not to let her stay.

How had she even got here? 

Immediately, Beth looked towards Archer. 

The oldest Montgomery sibling looked as though he was about to shift into an alternate reality; he shrunk in between his two sisters, looking very interested in whatever was at the bottom of his champagne flute. His mouth pressed into a thin line, his shoulders hunched-- he looked up and Beth's eye only fleetingly. She glared.

"No, not today Addie," She said stiffly, still glowering into Archer's soul even when he'd looked away. "Nice my ass."

"Beth."

She sounded disappointed. Good. Beth wanted her to be disappointed. All of this time and all of this nothingness had made her bitter; Beth wanted her to feel a fraction of the emotions that she'd felt as a result of Addison's actions. At this point, disappointment felt a lot like the bare minimum. 

At that thought, she scoffed to herself and hoisted up her skirt, attempting to wobble dramatically away. She didn't get very far before Addison attempted to speak again-- Beth threw out a hand, cutting her short.

"Arch!"

 Instead of addressing her sister, she set her eyes firmly back onto the neurosurgeon who was trying to camouflage himself. She knew exactly how Addison had found out about this appointment. 

She knew exactly how and probably why too. In that moment, it was as if Archer was the youngest sibling, not the oldest; he met her gaze very hesitantly. 

"Can I have a word?"

She didn't appear as angry as she felt. 

There was something so distinctively cathartic about being angry in a wedding dress; it felt dramatic as if she was some tragically beautiful fairytale character that was done with everyone's shit. She was angry, for the record, and maybe that was why Archer got to his feet with no questions asked. He followed Beth into the changing room as she gritted her teeth and wobbled (this dress really wasn't ideal for a dramatic exit). 

Just before they exited the room, Beth glanced back to see the delighted look on Eli's face.

At least someone was having a good time.

"Why is she here?" 

The words were hissed out as soon as the door was closed and they were as far from Addison as humanly possible in such a small salon. It was as if the door closing signified a change in Beth's mood; she was suddenly filled with such dread and panic that she felt her skin throb from the tension.

"She wanted to be here..." He sounded both guilty and not at the same time. As aggressively as someone could in such a flashy dress, Beth turned and asked him to help him out of this mess of tulle and beading. "Beth-- I thought it would--"

"I'm sick of people just thinking about my life and making decisions for me..." Her face scrunched up in frustration and she shook her head, feeling nothing but annoyed exasperation. She saw Archer's expression in the mirror, he seemed to pause and internalise her words, his face falling when he realised he'd really fucked up. "I know you think you're doing what's best but Addie... I--"

"She really wanted to be here," He repeated, softer this time. "I'm not blind, Eli and I aren't exactly helping--"

"Neither will she," Beth's face contorted into a look of intense displeasure as Archer fiddled with the corset on the back of the dress. He was nervous, fingers shuddering slightly as he struggled to undo the lacing. "I just... I have no idea what I'm doing and Addison being here... It's just making it all too-"

"Look, I'm not going to defend Addison," Archer began and, really, Beth thought that he should have just left it at that. She could feel the next sentence coming and it made her want to tighten her corset to the point of no return. "But... I remember how excited she was for you when you got engaged the first time."

She didn't understand how she'd gotten to this point. How was it that, once again, she was in the position to be the bigger person? 

She could hear the softness in Archer's tone, sense the direction he was going with this; if he mentioned the word forgiveness Beth was honestly going to yell.

"I don't like it either," He continued lightly, "I've made it very clear to Addison that I'm not happy with her. But, as much as I'd like to disown her... I'm trying. I'm always the peacekeeper in these situations. I'm trying, even if it drives me up the wall."

Beth cleared her throat and attempted to adjust her posture. She could see Archer's face over her shoulder, his face appearing in the reflection. He was staring intently at the corset, trying his best to undo the knots-- he was always trying his best, Beth knew that. 

It made her heart ache, the thought of Archer being stuck between them as they constantly fought. She wondered if he was tired; she was tired. She just wished that Addison would go back to LA and leave everyone alone. 

She didn't have the energy to pretend that things were fine and she definitely didn't have the energy to forgive anyone.

"You've given yourself a big task," was all Beth found herself being able to say. Her lips were numb, hands tingling with the urge to scratch at something. "You're always trying to fix things. Everyone's always trying to fix things... fix me--"

"I do Neuro," Archer pointed out with a wry smile, "At this point I think it's all an ego thing..." She chuckled, but it was weak and her eyes averted to the floor. "But this isn't a you problem, this is an Addison problem. I'm hoping she realises that at some point."

The corset finally gave way, slowly allowing the pressure to release on Beth's chest-- she dragged in a long breath and held the dress to her body, her mind spinning. She was thinking about too many things, in a true Beth fashion, and needed to sit down. She found the seat at the back of the room and descended, looking like a very overwhelmed Christine in the shadow of the Opera House. 

She dragged in a sigh and shook her head.

"What am I doing, Arch?"

Her question felt heavier than she'd expected it to. 

It was breathed out with a little hesitant half-smile that was despaired and the burn of tears at the back of her eyes. She ran a hand through her hair and sniffed loudly, attempting to gather herself together.

"A wedding dress..." She looked down at the material around her, shaking her head and laughing. It was exasperated, winded as if Beth had just ran a very long distance. "What the fuck am I doing?"

"You're getting married," He replied quietly. She just pressed a hand to her face and exhaled loudly, cradling her face. "And you're choosing love over all of the shit you've been through over the past few months..."

"I told myself I wouldn't do this," Beth rubbed at her face, massaging circles into her temple. "After Calum... After Mark... after watching our parents and all of that fall apart-- hell, watching Addie and Derek I... " She shook her head and groaned. "What the fuck am I doing? I can't even choose a dress... how the hell am I going to--"

She broke off and inhaled sharply.

"I don't get married," Her head rose to look over at her brother, lip trembling slightly as she blinked back tears. "Guys don't stick around. They realise I'm too much and then they choose my sister over me. They stand me up or they... they move to Canada... They don't propose--- they don't accept my proposal either-- I just--"

"Shhh," Archer murmured, sensing that Beth needed a moment. He walked towards her and sat on the seat, squeezing her shoulder. She almost flinched at the contact, instead drawing within herself. His brow furrowed and he watched her face intently. "Beth, it's okay--"

"I can't even choose a wedding dress," She repeated her words from earlier, this time with a slightly manic ring to her tone. Her head bowed and continued it's bleak wobble from side to side. "I can't even choose a dumb dress... I can't even... I can't even go back to work and I can't even-- fuck."

They sat there for a few moments, ears ringing with her final exhale. Her head stayed deeply buried in her hands and Archer stayed sat beside her, hand on her shoulder and head turning to stare across the dressing room. 

It felt oddly like a scene of a very violent crime; there were dresses everywhere, a chair overturned and a distinctive sense of chaos in the air. (Archer wasn't sure whether it was just Beth's energy or the fact that he could feel his heartbeat in his ears, but this felt like some sort of alternate universe.)

"What if Charlie realises that I can't even choose a dress? What if he decides I'm too too much. Just like Mark did and... Calum and..." She cleared her throat and snickered slightly. It was a despaired sound, one that caught at the back of her throat. "I sound pathetic. I'm a commitmentphone who literally wants to vomit at the thought of having kids or spending their whole lives with someone I just... I sound psychotic--"

"You're talking to a guy who hasn't had a long-term girlfriend since the 90's..."

His dry deadpan made Beth's head raise again. She stared at him with a pair of dark eyes that were glossy, patterned by the familiar panic of a woman who was a little too overwhelmed. 

They held each other's gaze for a few moments and then the unthinkable happened: Beth laughed. It was a loud and unapologetic sound-- she threw her head back and snorted, almost knocking it on the wall. He smiled. (His chest felt heavy with the sound.)

"We're trying our best," He said, this time not going for a moment of comedic relief. "I know it's not orthodox, but I think Addison cares a lot more than she lets on..."

"She has a funny way of showing it," Beth replied, sounding bitter again. "I wonder what our parents would think of us-- a divorcee, an addict and a commitment-phobe."

"That sounds like the beginning of a joke. Three siblings walk into a bar..." Archer pulled a face and she laughed again, sniffing. "And honestly, I have no idea what they'd say. Do they even know you're engaged?"

"Eh," It was Beth's turn to grimace, "They'll figure it out eventually."

He grinned, finding her nonchalance amusing. 

(Archer had always found Beth's relationship with their parents incredibly confusing. He was at a complete loss as to how exactly she'd managed to live with them on her own while he was in New York with Addison. He couldn't imagine the three of them alone in their childhood home, how they'd co-existed in the same space for such a long time. In fact, he couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen them in the same room; Beth had never seen eye-to-eye with either of them, their mother in particular.)

Secretly, not even Beth remembered the last time she'd seen either of their parents in person. It wasn't exactly something she scrambled to do. Amongst her panic and her bridal-mental-break, Beth could feel that same nagging at the back of her head; she understood exactly what Archer was trying to do. 

He was trying to keep his family together, but he was forcing glue onto something that really didn't want to stick. She dragged her fingers through her hair.

"Do you think it's their fault?" Her question made Archer's eyebrow quirk, questioningly.

"What?"

She sighed. "That we're all fucked up. Do you think they're to blame?"

"Speak for yourself," Archer replied with a chuckle, "I think I'm the normal one--"

"Okay, sure," Beth's head bobbed in a nod that didn't seem very convinced. She rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure you're rivalling Mark on how many women you go through..." Archer just shrugged and Beth's smile withered slowly, the mood shifting. "No but I... I thought I'd sorted all of this in therapy... but everytime I look at a wedding dress I just..."

She kissed her teeth and shrugged.

"I thought five years was a long time," Her voice sounded raw, eyes trailing around the room and looking at all of the wedding dress that were strewn across the room. She let out a long breath. "But until death... that's... that's a really long time. What if he just... what if I end up like Addison... some divorced Stepford Wife with a panache for dragging people down with her? Or like Mom? With a broken marriage that was completely built off of delusions and a loveless home--"

Archer paused, "Charlie seems like he'd do anything for you."

Slowly, Beth looked over at her brother. Sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with him made her think about all of those times they'd had to stick together during their childhood. Archer had always been the level-headed one; while Addison lead with morals, Archer lead with logic (Beth had figured out very quickly that she'd been the impulsive with with the tendency to lead with her emotions first.) 

He'd given her so many pep talks like these in the past, even while he'd been on the verge of death in a hospital bed-- Beth smiled at him, feeling the familiar burn of tears. She reached up and squeezed the hand that was on her shoulder.

"I can't remember the last time I've ever felt like this," She said quietly, chewing on her bottom lip. "He makes me happy... even through everything that I've been through lately. He's just... he's good, you know? He makes me believe in people again."

Silently, Archer nodded. 

(He'd been able to tell. Charlie was a very charismatic person who appeared to be good, a genuine person who cared about other people and was authentically happy for those around him. Charlie seemed capable of no wrong and he very, very clearly cared a lot for her. If Beth had needed Archer's approval, he would have given it without a moment's hesitation. He couldn't name a single flaw about him. He was exactly the sort of guy Archer wanted for Beth.)

"When I woke up after the..." She trailed off, seeming to not want to linger on the event itself. "He was just there. He was so scared." Beth paused, blinking wildly to avoid crying at the memory. "He thought he'd lost me and... seeing that on someone you love... I never thought that I'd ever have people so... so just affected and scared..." She looked over at Archer. "Thank you for coming to Seattle for me, Arch."

He smiled faintly, "I'd do it again for you," She offered a very watery smile in return. "I would say a thousand times but I don't have that many air miles left--"

"Fucker," Beth sniffed, chuckling as she swiped under her eyes. His arm came up to hug her to him; she rested her head on her shoulder. "This whole wedding thing... I don't care about it. I don't care about the dress. I don't care about the stupid flowers or the cake or the venue-- but Charlie does. I know he does."

God, couldn't she just see it written all over his face.  

"He likes things like this," Beth said almost flippantly, "and he doesn't have the time or energy for it. After all he's done for me over the past two months... all of the therapy, all of the extra work-- being the first face I saw when I got out of that surgery... he deserves a wedding. I love him so... I heard marriage means sacrifices, right? If a wedding is what he wants, it's what he'll get."

She paused. (Archer could see the thoughts behind her eyes, see the halt in her stream of consciousness. She was caught on something, like a fish caught on a hook.) Beth averted her gaze and chuckled to herself, wiping again at the unshed tears under her eyes. (Archer stared at them, all too aware of how rare it was to see his sister cry.)

A pause.

"Y'know, I thought Mark was the one."

Her words felt grounded and real, Beth could feel them in her chest. 

She spoke with a peaceful mind, one that was far quieter than it had been a few minutes ago. When she pushed her hair out of her face and felt the wedding dress slip away, leaving her hunched over in a camisole, it was as if she could really breathe. 

She felt Archer looking at her, seemingly taken aback by the mention of her ex-boyfriend's name; she ignored his gaze and instead just stared at her fingers, playing with her ring.

"For years, I thought he was the guy I'd spend the rest of my life with," There was something cathartic about saying those words aloud, hearing the syllables and the letters and feeling them on her tongue. "When he just turned to Addie... and... when- when that went away I thought it was all my fault. I left New York thinking that I'd never find that again. I thought that I ruined everything good that I touched. I came back from the airport wanting to... make sense of it and then I realised that it wasn't right... that I was naive thinking it was all me. When I see Addison, I'm reminded of that. Of how bad my mind can be, how toxic it can all feel-- of how she can look at my happiness and just... just ruin it."

A beat passed.

"Charlie's the one," She continued, and then smiled. She said those words with such certainty that she felt her heart ache and her heartbeat thud in her ears. "When I look at him, I want to just... I feel happy and I feel like he's good. Good for me. Good for the world. He's a nice guy and even though I've put him through hell, he still wants me. He doesn't want Addison. He doesn't... he doesn't want Boston either. He moved here, he loves me and I just... He wants me." She nodded, "I think I deserve that too."

(Archer could only use one word to describe his sister's words and that was: warm. He could remember the last time he'd ever seen her so full of warmth and optimism and that had been over a dining table in Manhattan, speaking so cavalierly about her relationship with Mark Sloan.)

This was good for her, he could see it. She was desperately in love, so smitten with Charlie that she spoke about him with more tenderness that he'd ever seen-- he squeezed her shoulder a little harder.)

"You do," was all he could say in response. "You deserve to be happy."

Beth nodded.

"Yeah," She said softly, "I do."

They sat in a comfortable silence for a prolonged time, all too aware of the fact that outside, on the shop floor, they'd left Eli and Addison alone. 

It was the second unlikely pairing of the day and, secretly, Beth hoped that the champagne would entice Eli to share a few choice words with her older sister. She chuckled at that thought and, when Archer shot her a questioning look, she just shook her head. 

When he eventually got to his feet and told her he was heading back to make sure no one had been murdered, Beth stopped him just before he exited through the door.

"Be my man of honour?"

Her question was so hopeful. 

Archer's back was turned to her but she watched him freeze; she wondered what he was thinking. She knew what she was thinking: simply that in a world where Addison was estranged, Amy was in California and Derek was the last person she'd ever think to call, Archer was one of the only people she had left. 

She couldn't think of anyone better to fill the role.

(Archer, on the other hand, was thinking about Addison. He knew that Beth and Addison were far closer than he realised. They were sisters, they'd had an unbreakable bond between them that had been mythbusted by Addison's own misdoings. He vaguely remembered a pact between them: Beth had been Addison's maid of honour and Addison would be hers-- it's what caused him to hesitate.)

(At the same time, he felt his heart swell at the proposition. He wasn't stupid. He didn't have any brothers to be the best man for, didn't particularly have any close male friends and it would probably be a cold day in hell before he was a groom himself. Beth's question made the faintest smile appear on his face-- it made him feel warm inside.)

"You don't have to really do anything," Beth added quickly, sensing his hesitation and interpreting it as mortification. She wrung her hands, suddenly realising that it shouldn't have been something to spring on him like this. "I'm planning everything and we're probably not going to have a bachelorette party or anything because I can't drink and I've spent way too much time in nightclubs in the past--"

She was rambling, her nervous energy translating into long sentences that went on and on and-- Archer cut her off. 

He did so by turning around, hand on the door knob and a impassive calm on his face. Mouth still ajar, Beth stared at him, suddenly very stressed about his response. 

She couldn't take some sort of self-righteous speech about how Addison was the older sister so it was supposed to be this way--

"I'd be honoured," was what Archer said instead, in the softest voice she'd ever heard from him. Slowly, Beth grinned at him, feeling her chest go warm and gooey with relief and joy.

"Also..." She trailed off, knowing that she was pushing her luck. "D'you think you could... uh... walk me down the aisle?"

"Hm," He pretended to consider it. (In reality, Archer had never been so dedicated to an idea in his life. He hid his smile.) "I'll see what I can do-- but on one condition." (He didn't miss how she seemed to dwindle slightly, apprehensive at his proposition.) "Give Addie a chance."

Beth sighed. "Arch--"

"No, I told you I'm not going to defend her," He said quickly, jumping in before Beth could battle him on it. "I won't. She's on her own. I always say that I don't take sides in these things... but on this... I'm fully with you. She was out of line and I can't justify any of her behaviour, alright? I don't think she deserves anything from you...."

Again, Beth could feel the 'but' coming.

"But you deserve a sister," Archer sounded as though he'd put a lot of thought and consideration into this and for that, Beth felt her eyes water slightly again. "I'm a crappy old man, I'm your big stupid brother who has no idea what a mer... a mermaid... a mermaid skirt is? Is that was this is?-- I don't... I don't know anything about flowers or veils-- I thought 'tulle' was some illness until a half hour ago. You deserve better than Addie, but you can make her better. Make her work for whatever forgiveness you're comfortable to give her-- take advantage of this situation."

"She doesn't want to apologise, she doesn't want my forgiveness," Beth said slowly, recounting the way her dinner party had gone. "She doesn't care--"

"Weirdly, I think somethings changed over the past few days," Archer commented, his brow furrowing. "I don't know whether something happened but she... she's taken some reality shock to the system and I think she really, actually wants to try. She wanted to be here, Beth. I know you don't believe it and... and honestly at first I was skeptical too. But I think she wants to try."

There was another long, tedious pause.

It was filled with a lot of deliberation. Beth was deep in thought, eyebrows pulling down over her eyes; her head was swimming with little ideas, little strewn sentences and pictures, memories and frozen voices. 

Surprisingly, it didn't take her as long as she'd thought to come to a conclusion-- for Archer interjected with a soft, candid sentence that made her heart jump into her throat.

"We're family," He said, with one foot out of the door. "I'm trying to keep us together because we've already done all of this. I went home... Addison in New York and you travelling all over the place-- we've done the estranged distance thing. It sucked and I really don't have plans to get another worm-infested tumour to bring us all together again. I'm trying to piece my family back together because our parents sure as hell won't. I just need... I need us to stick together."

Beth could see the desperation in his eyes. 

She was right before, Archer was tired. He was exhausted from being the one person who paced this nomads land, who stalked the middle-ground, always being forced to choose a side. She related to it deeply, she was pretty fed up of constantly being the one who had to forgive and take the higher ground.

"Okay," Beth agreed quietly. 

This. this would be the last time. Addison had been lucky for a second chance. A third opportunity was even more rare and it was built on the foundations of Archer. 

He was the reason Beth had come to Seattle in the first place and given Addison the last one-- he was a good reason to give Addison a third.

Archer gave her a thankful smile. 

It was as if Beth could see the weight physically lift off of his shoulders-- what a giant burden it must have been to carry? She couldn't imagine not being crushed underneath it-- wasn't it heavy? She watched him as he went to leave. 

But, much like he'd paused when she'd asked him to be a part of her wedding party, Archer popped his head back in the door.

"Wait, so as Man of Honour, does that mean I have to kick your ass to get you into another dress?" He seemed serious. Beth rolled her eyes. She was sat there, half-dressed with her arms folded over her chest and her face in a reluctant smile. "What? It's just in the job description, right?"

"Fine," Beth conceded, her jaw clenched as if the words were physically painful for her to say. "One more."

"That's what we like to hear," Archer chuckled and then, as if an afterthought, he held out a hand. "Oh, and I think Addison wants to have a talk with you... something about a problem with medical insurance on a surgery?"

***

Admittedly, Addison hadn't exactly known what to expect when Archer had invited her to the bridal store.

She was completely convinced that there was going to be blood split on these plush, hundred dollar carpets. She'd seen it all play out in her mind while in the taxi here: there'd be violence on sight, a stiletto thrown in her direction or a veil hoisted around her neck until she turned blue. 

The text itself, the open invitation, had caught her completely off-guard; for a moment, she'd figured that Beth had had a change of heart. Maybe she'd realised that Addison was her big sister and she needed someone to help her through this very tumultuous time--

Yeah, no.

From the look in Beth's eyes to the way that Eli (who Addison vaguely recognised as being one of her brother's ICU nurses back when he'd had surgery, but otherwise had no idea why he was here) seemed to chuckle apprehensively in an excited way that suggested that something very dramatic was about to happen... 

Addison could taste something very sour in the air. It hadn't taken her longer than two seconds to realise that Beth hadn't been aware that Addison had been invited at all. 

Even Archer appeared strained as he reappeared from the dressing room; he looked over towards Eli, who was in the middle of tossing back as much champagne as humanly possible and grabbing his jacket, and shook his head.

"I managed to convince her to try some more..." 

Addison noticed how tired her brother looked in this light. She was still awkwardly standing in the background, coat folded over her forearm and a hazy, hesitant smile on her lips. He took a moment to pause, running a hand through his hair and exhaling loudly. He looked over at her and subtly jerked his head in an invite to sit down. 

"Beth said you can stay."

She was surprised. She was actually, genuinely surprised. 

She'd figured that Beth would want her out of here. Taking a seat on the chaise, Addison had felt her face flush with foolishness. Of course not, of course Beth hadn't known she was coming. She was foolish to think that Beth would invite her anywhere. 

She might've been foolish but she definitely wasn't dumb, she'd watched Beth go out of her way to evade her for the past week or so-- god, Addison felt so delusional. She sat beside Eli, declining the offer of some complimentary champagne and let out a long breath.

Oh god. She wouldn't have come if she--

"Did you mention that I wanted to speak to her?" 

Addie looked over at Archer as he sat on Eli's other side. The trauma nurse seemed to chuckle at being sandwiched between the two of them; he glanced over at each sibling and shook his head. Her grasp on her purse tightened, fingers just folding around the perimeter of the folder inside, as if to remind herself that it was there.

Archer took a long mouthful of champagne before replying, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. "Uh, yeah. It was about some surgery... right?"

"Yeah," Addison said, thinking a little too much about the medical file that was buried at the bottom of her bag. "That's it."

She would have been lying if she hadn't said that Beth's medical notes had consumed her thoughts for a good portion of the week. Ever since Derek had set that file in front of her, it'd been all Addison had been able to linger on. She'd even gone to the extra extent of asking Derek if she could take it with her-- he'd gotten an official copy printed for her and now it was sat in the bottom of her purse like a weight that she couldn't shed. 

It was the elephant in the room at all times and, seeing Beth in a wedding dress like a spitting image of their mother's wedding photos, it'd been all that Addison had been able to think about.

It ruled her thoughts to the point where she'd attempted to talk to Beth about it countless times-- she'd phoned over and over, hoping to maybe just make sense of things. She wanted Beth to tell her that these little thoughts and suspicions (that were growing more and more by the day) were not what she thought at all. 

She just wanted something to prove her wrong, to make Derek out to be the paranoid egocentric bastard that she knew he was-- please, just something to make her second-guess what her medical training was telling her was true.

Beth appeared. No one else reacted; it was as if, by this point, Archer and Eli were both numb to the sight of a wedding dress, but Addison wasn't-- it'd been years since she'd been to a wedding, years since she'd been to some sort of fitting or event... 

The gasp she let out was subconscious and she clasped her hands together, smiling widely.

"That's beautiful," Her words were honest. "You look beautiful..."

The second thing she noticed, beside the intricate dress, was how uncomfortable Beth appeared. She glanced at Addison out of the corner of her eye and Addison's heart seized for a moment in her chest-- Beth's jaw clenched and she walked almost robotically, as if she'd been placed on a preprogrammed route. 

As Addison felt overcome with emotion, (This was her little sister! She was growing up so fast!) Beth seemed completely cold to the touch.

"Thank you," was the only reply that was awkwardly pitched in return. 

Addison paused, looking over at Archer as he nodded, looking as though he had no idea what to say. The dress was simple for Addison's taste but it was flattering; Beth moved from side to side in the mirror and adjusted her hair.

"It's nice," Archer said, sounding as though he wasn't entirely convinced. He must've caught Addison's miffed expression in his peripheral as he scrambled to elaborate. "Stunning... it's the best yet--"

"You kind of look like a snowman," Eli slurred slightly from his perch in between the two siblings, feeling oddly like some cheap remake of the Berlin Wall. 

(There was so much tension in the room that Eli could almost feel it escalate the bubbles as they went to his head.) Beth's lip twitched and she chuckled under her breath, flattening out her skirt with the palm of her hand. 

Eli waved a flippant hand, "A really fancy snowman..."

That's how the rest of the appointment went, with a stiff ambiance and a energy that was far from compatible with the unhinged smile on the store attendant's face. 

Addison was tense throughout every fitting, giving very encouraging compliments where she could and concentrating on the way Beth would try to avoid looking at her at all costs. It was so alien to see Beth acting so woodenly-- usually she was so much more confident about herself, so relaxed and blase, but in this showroom, she looked as though she'd never worn a dress in her life and was learning how to dress fashionably for the first time.

It was a slow process.

Addison knew that, if she was going to get back to a comfortable relationship with a sister, it was going to take time. 

That's why she attempted to be as patient as possible, feeling the weight of the medical file on her thighs throughout every single fitting and every critique; she actually took a mouthful of champagne as she complimented a particular fitted dress that complimented Beth's figured. 

Even still, no matter how many times Beth appeared out of that dressing room, Addison could tell she just wasn't feeling it.

"Can I pick out some dresses for you?"

Her question was risky, she'd regretted it the moment that she'd said it. 

Beth had been in the middle of getting helped back to the dressing room (a clear sag in her shoulders and a look of disdain plastered across her face) and paused completely, hand wobbling on the store attendant's shoulders. 

At first, Addison had braced herself to be shot down completely (that was inevitable, right? Beth had been very clear about not wanting anything to do with her) and she'd prepared herself to fall into the pattern of humiliation-- but Beth didn't shoot her down. 

With a light sigh, Beth turned and looked over towards her brother. As if thinking hard on a past conversation, she choppily nodded.

"Okay."

That was progress.

What wasn't progress, however, was how Addison's purse felt heavier with the file stacked at the bottom of it. 

She was aware of it at all times, as if she was carrying some sort of tumor with her. She got to her feet and crossed to the other side of the salon, approaching the racks with a vague sense of what she thought Beth might like. As she flipped through hangers and cross-examined pictures on her phone, her purse swung against her thigh.

 A reminder. A haunting reminder of what Addison had intended to do today--

She'd come here to confront her sister. It was an awful plan, one that she'd established with her ex-husband. 

She was going to get Beth alone and slap the medical file on the table and force her to explain. It was a flawed plan, an unethical plan and... with every minute that passed, Addison found herself wondering exactly why she'd agreed to it.

She had one thing to do today and she picked out two dresses. Beth took three back into the dressing room and it took her four times longer to try the first one on. 

She came out with five emotions swirling in her eyes and six steps before she locked eyes with Addison directly-- Addison held her breath for seven seconds. It was eight beats until anyone spoke but it felt a lot more like nine. It took Beth another ten steps until she was stood in front of the mirror.

Addison could tell that Beth liked it before she spoke. 

It was a completely different reaction than the others that Addison had seen-- there was a flicker in Beth's eyes, the sort of vague approval that Addison recognised in their mother. Her lips twitched and she stood a little bit straighter. 

Addison folded her hands under her chin and leant forwards, for a split second forgetting about the purse by her feet. A soft smile bloomed on their faces in unison.

"I don't hate it," Beth murmured and Addison could tell from Archer's lifted eyebrows that, for this appointment, that was almost a declaration of eternal love. 

Even the shop attendant seemed to brighten up at the three words. How simple it was. Addison watched Beth's fingers trail over the fabric. 

"I look... I look nice."

"You do," Archer agreed, nodding his head lightly and grinning in Addison's direction. "It's better than any of our picks, that's for sure."

If there was anything that moment told Addison, it was that this was better. 

This was what Addison wanted. This. 

She didn't want a confrontation at all. She wanted the warm smile on Beth's face and the pride in Archer's eyes when they got along without fault-- was this what it felt like to actually help? Addison, suddenly, was second-guessing any help she'd given to Beth through their whole lives. 

She was very aware of the fact that she hadn't been very helpful, no matter how hard she'd tried. Ever since her meeting with Derek, she'd started to have the very gradual and delicate epiphany that she'd caused more trouble than good.

Admittedly, sleeping with Mark and completely blindsiding her sister's feelings and mental health had been one hell of a kill shot for their relationship. She'd attempted to make it right, but for what? To then go behind her sister's back and meddle even further, sleeping with Mark all over again and not coming through when she was truly needed--

Addison accepted the champagne when it was offered to her for a second time. Jesus, she was having a identity crisis in a bridal shop.

The first dress she'd chosen was beautiful, but the second dress, in her opinion, was better. The first one had been similar to Addison's own; it was the classic idea of a wedding dress, one that Addison had picked out mostly to fit a very specific picture in her head. 

It was close to what Addison had worn herself and something she'd dreamed of seeing Beth in one day. She'd always had so many ideas for things like these, so many concepts and so many plans-- in her mind, Beth appeared just like one of the china dolls that Addison had dressed in her childhood.

Beth caught her eye in the mirror and smiled. It was subtle but it was something.

It was a reminder, more prevalent than any medical record could ever be, that she really did want the best for her sister. She really, honestly did. Albeit, sometimes she had a very dysfunctional way of showing it. 

Addison knew that Archer had spoken to Beth and moved something around in the hierarchy of where Beth's anger lied. From the way that Beth navigated around her in this space, Addison was quick to realise that she'd been granted something that very little people were given: an opportunity, a chance. They were rare for a woman who preferred to resent and remember over forgive and forget. 

Addison, as Beth reappeared in the second dress, was suddenly stuck by it--

Derek wasn't the best for Beth. The file at the bottom of Addison's purse wasn't the best for Beth either. Archer had fought for Addison and opened the tiniest door, that was the best for them all. There was an opportunity here, an opening, an invitation to try and regain what she'd had before she'd watched it all burn down... 

She would have been foolish to let it pass her by or to ruin it.

As she watched Beth fix a veil into her hair and grin the widest she'd smiled since way before she'd had a gun raised against her, Addison very subtly kicked her purse out of her line of sight. 

With a quick hand, she sent a passive text to her ex-husband, one that she knew would cause him a lot more grief than intended: Leave it alone, we don't need to get involved.

She didn't want to get involved in this grief. 

(Who cared if Beth had broken the law or covered a pregnancy? Well, Addison still did but, she was going to work on that. It was, as Archer would have succinctly said, none of their business.) 

If Addison had been a better sister, she would have been the confidant that Beth should have had... She didn't need to confront Beth over it. Maybe in due time they'd get back to that point in their relationship-- maybe they'd become good friends once again.

(Her thoughts felt far more like far-off delusions. Beth wasn't that forgiving.)

"Archer said you wanted to talk to me about something?" 

She even spoke to Addison as their appointment finished and the things were set into maybe status. 

Communication? It was something. Addison hugged her purse a little tighter to her chest and dismissed it all as unimportant. Beth seemed to pause, not entirely convinced, but eventually nodded. An additional beat passed, one that was filled with hesitation. Beth let out a breath. "Thank you for coming I..."

"Thank you for letting me stay," Addison almost tripped over her reply. How alien this felt when just a week ago they'd been inches from tearing at each other's throats, eager to draw blood. Beth, again, gave a stiff and awkward nod, visibly not sure how to approach this interaction. She squeezed her purse a bit tighter. "I'm sorry for--"

"Please don't," Beth grimaced, shaking her head, "I'll just get mad if you apologise again."

"Okay," Her mouth went dry. Baby steps. This was a true effort. Addison was going to do everything right this time. "Do you... do you want to get a coffee sometime?"

The pause was lengthy and, for a split second, Addison thought, again, that Beth was going to say no. 

That was her immediate impulse, she could tell in the way that her mouth formed the syllables but then halted-- she caught herself and, glancing at Archer as he stood on the other side of the room, Beth seemed to reprogram herself.

"Sure," was her straingled reply.

Maybe coming to Seattle wasn't as big of a disaster as she'd thought. It was faint, but it was there: the foundation of something that actually made this all feel worth it. She could tell that Beth didn't like her but it was a start. 

(Addison was also, entirely convinced that Beth was doing it all for Archer, just like she had the first time, but she was going to take it very happily.) 

It was more than Derek could offer her. It was more than Addison had expected.

Addison was going to do it right this time. She was sure of it.